I am strong enough.

When I think life is too much to handle, I remind myself that I am strong enough to push through. Things may be rough in the moment but I just remind myself that it will get better. When its good, I want to bottle it up and be able to release the sunny feeling I have during the rainy days. I'm getting better. It can only go up from here.

- Red

Photo by Unknown

Maintaining my power.

To have control over my emotions and to be able to harness my feelings has proven to feel absolutely amazing. This week I am working on remaining in power of my emotions and to not allow others to bring me down. It's not easy, but boy is it proving to be worth it. I am so proud of myself for the progress I have made however small it may be. I will not let others bring me down.

- Red

Photo by Unknown; Quote from Eleanor Roosevelt

Don't give away your power.

Upon meeting with my therapist, he brought up a point that resonated with me. I allow people to have too much power over me. When I'm upset about something, I show that emotion to them. Then, instead of focusing on what upset me, they focus on the fact I'm upset. They push to make it so I'm not upset anymore but we never address the initial problem. I'm learning to take a step back and address the problem with the individual when I have cooled down and know we can keep the original issue as the focal point of our conversation. I will not let others have power over me. I'm a strong individual. And I intend to empower myself even more.

- Red

Misophonia.

Chewing, tapping, clicking, popping, all of it. I absolutely hate it. The moment someone pops a piece of gum in to their mouth I can feel my temper start to rise. The way people smack their lips and proceed to pop bubbles is infuriating. I try to ignore it but it just gets worse and worse. I have even gone as far as to plug my ear. Sometimes, the person catches me and I pretend I'm itching my ear. But I can't help it. It makes me so furious I either end up leaving the room or snapping at the individual. Someone tapping their foot is just as awful to me.

I started talking to my therapist about my hatred of sounds. Turns out they have a name for it (there's a name for everything, right?). It's called misophonia which means the hatred of sounds. They say you can only truly focus on three things. When you suffer from misophonia, you make the noises that bother you come to the very forefront of your attention. Which means to solve it I should just focus on something else. Sounds simple enough, right? But it's not. I try and try yet it still bothers me more than anything.

I can always remember having these feelings. Once I started receiving treatment for it, I opened up to my mom in hopes that she would become more sensitive to sounds she herself makes. She told me she had noticed me plugging my ear but thought that I was irritated by the lack of manners someone was displaying. Yet it seems each time I tell those around me that they are making a sound that is aggravating, their response seems as though I'm inconveniencing them or attacking them personally. The anger and infuriating rush of emotions this gives me is not an enjoyable feeling. In fact, I hate it. Therefore I speak out to those close to me in hopes they will understand. Instead, I find myself repeating the words "Please stop doing that." numerous times a day every single day. No one likes feeling like their feelings are being ignored. It's a vicious cycle.

- Red

Photo by Unknown