Here it goes..

Where to begin.. Sitting here, staring at my screen I find that this is the hardest part. Therefore, I'll just dive in. I was diagnosed with bipolar II in January 2013. When the psychiatrist began listing off my diagnosises, I sat in shock. General Anxiety disorder, social anxiety, PTSD, misophonia, severe arachnophobia...on and on. I left feeling absolutely overwhelmed yet relieved. Finally, an answer. Something I could pin point and say "THAT explains it!".

But bipolar? The idea of being bipolar didn't sit well. It was as if I viewed it as some awful curse. Maybe it had something to do with the negative stigma we, as a society, have given bipolar disorder. Yet, at the same time, it made sense. I've always been known for having a "short fuse".  I'm a spitfire. I can say such hurtful things when my anger takes over. It's as if I seek out words that will cut like a knife. Yet I find that as my anger decreases and I come down from the manic high, the guilt sets in as I realize what I've said.  The more I think about my actions, both past and present, my diagnosis begins to make more and more sense.

 Today, just a few short months after diagnosis, I've come to terms with having bipolar disorder. I'm not ashamed of this. I'm not ashamed of any of my diagnosises. I have always viewed myself as a typical woman in her twenties. Yes, I experience an extreme range of emotions. And yes, sometimes they can be far too much for me. But I will not let bipolar define me.

With this blog, I hope to help others. When I began looking for answers after my diagnosis, there really wasnt a lot out there that appealed to me. Yes, there are plenty of blogs but none of them seemed to be something I could connect with. I am raw and real just like the disorder itself. My hope is to connect with others who have been diagnosed, let those who have recently been diagnosed know they're not alone, and hopefully provide a little insight to those who have a loved one with bipolar disorder. Bold idea, I know. My story, as you are reading it, is from the beginning not somewhere in the middle of my treatment. As I go through the battle of discovering how to release the hold this disorder has on my life, my blog is going to be making the trek with me each step of the way.

Well, that's it. The basic idea of me and my diagnosis. I'm excited to see where this blog will go, and hope you, the reader, will enjoy the ride just as much.

- Red