My journey to diagnosis.

Driving down the road with my mother, I sat in the passenger seat as she drove me home from school. I was suddenly overwhelmed with a racing feeling in my heart as my mind began to wander and a tingling sensation took over my limbs. I could feel the color escaping from my pre teen face. My mother must have noticed as well. She comfortingly reached for my hand and coaxing told me everything was going to be ok. I was experiencing my very first severe panic attack.

Since then, my life has been riddled with panic attacks which have seemed to only get worse after the death of a very close family member. I was to the point of having them daily. From the outside looking in, I'm sure it's difficult to understand how debilitating anxiety attacks can be. But from the inside looking out, I felt I couldn't escape in any way, shape or form. I was trapped. It wasn't until I began confiding in my very loving, supportive boyfriend that I realized not everyone experiences what I was going through. He convinced me to reach out for help medically. For that, I could never repay him. Had he not been so supportive in me seeking help, I wouldn't have done it and I would still be where I was six months ago.

Fast forward a bit. I made an appointment with my general doctor who prescribed me an anti depressant and referred me to a psychiatrist who would further my testing. Little did I know, the testing included three hours of talking about myself followed by an hour of actual tests. I felt overwhelmed upon beginning the testing, but the psychiatrist joked with me and made me feel so comfortable that I soon felt like I was just talking with a friend. I left his office excited to hear the results.

I met with him again a few weeks later to go over my results. He handed me a list that had my diagnosis as well as the suggested methods of treatment. I felt overwhelmed but began to understand more as he explained each one individually. He then suggested that I find a therapist that could help me. I went home and began looking for therapists in my area that would be a good fit for for me. After all, this is definitely not something to go in to blindly. That's when I found my current therapist whom I am very happy with. Upon our first appointment, he said something that really stuck in with me; It is important to make sure you have a connection with your therapist. You will need to trust them so that you can be open with them otherwise it will hinder your progress throughout treatment. I believe that I have this connection with my therapist and am very excited to see how he helps me learn more about how to live with bipolar disorder in a healthy way as well as help me take some of my severe phobias head on.

The gist of me telling you my story more in detail is to hopefully convey to those who are thinking about reaching out for help, or have recently just reached out for help that this process may take a bit. It has now been five months since I first talked to my general doctor. Yet, I have only met with my therapist twice now. I wish this process would speed up a bit however I have to keep in mind that treatment is something that should not be rushed. And I hope those reading my blog keep that in mind as well. Go slow and you will see progress in the long run.

- Red